I'm NOT abandoning my multiple-books-a-week goal. My problem is procrastination and distraction. I CAN get through Mountain if I stop puttering around reading a page here and there. I'm making excuses - the big one being that I have to be on eggshells because I KNOW that every five minutes someone is going to want to ask something of me and I never have any real, true privacy.
My mother was very angry this morning when I tried to talk to her about it. This is just a silly example, but today I was watching a program and in the final five important, revealing minutes of the program two people called. Neither call was for me. Since then, we've received probably twenty phone calls, none of them for me. I tried to explain to my mother how frustrating it is to have to run to the phone every five minutes and she said, "How are they supposed to know they're interrupting you?" That's not the point. The point is there are so many people who live here that if there were three phone calls every day for each of us there would be eighteen phone calls every day. And, there are more than three phone calls for each of them, I'll tell you.
If I lived alone, I wouldn't have to answer the phone for the three friends who call within an hour for my older nephew. I wouldn't have to answer the phone for my sister who calls twice in ten minutes because of yet another school crisis with her child (wherein she blames everyone but the child). I wouldn't have to answer the phone for my mother when my brother calls, over and over and over again, to ask if my mother is home yet from the grocery store.
How can I concentrate? I really just want to curl up under the covers and sleep. I want to lock the door and pretend they aren't yelling up the stairs for me. I want to be able to take the few hours before I go to work to make breakfast, take a bath, and read a book. I just want to be able to READ a book. Who can read being constantly interrupted?
My brothers and sisters don't think it's fair that I don't have the responsibilities they have (i.e. children). But I made decisions to keep from having these responsibilities. It's amazing how jealous they are of me. At this point in my life I am seriously considering the life of a hermit. I am budgeting out my money and preparing for a day when my credit cards are paid off (March) and I can beginning dreaming of a studio apartment away from here. I know they'll still call me, every day, but it won't be everyone else in their lives calling me as well. I just want to be alone. I can't wait to be alone.
Just now they called up to me. I couldn't even get through writing this freaking blog entry.
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